Meet My Nemesis...

This... (automatic flushing toilet)

...plus this... (our child)

...equals this... (minus the out of doors, even though I am sure she would run outside if she could)

I don't know who invented the automatic flushing toilet, but I could beat him with a stick. I say him because I cannot believe it was a woman who invented a machine that would end up being a torture device for her child. Yes, I know, what a glamorous world I live in when I worry about self-flushing toilets, but it is a sad reality for me. Every time I take Boo into a bathroom (which is ALL the time and EVERYWHERE), she immediately asks me if the toilet is going to flush by itself. This means she is going to gear herself up to jump off the first sign of flushage. I cannot count the times my child has literally jumped across the floor of the bathroom stall in face flushed fear that the toilet was going to swallow her, bum, shoes and all. We were recently in a bathroom with regular flushing toilets. She asked me and I told her that we had to flush it ourselves (which, I mean, if I didn't have children it would be nice to have the toilet flush on its own, even though I end up going through three toilet seat covers because it keeps flushing for whatever reason... the wind maybe, I don't know. I actually don't mind pushing the handle down with my foot, even when I am pregnant. It beats a jumping child). Anyway, it was a manual flusher. So she is getting ready to go when, out of no where, the automatic paper towel dispenser goes off and starts distributing paper towels WHEN THERE IS NO ONE IN THE BATHROOM. Maybe it was the ghost of Christmas past or maybe it was a lesson in patience for me, but once again, Boo jumped across the room and proceeded to tell me, in between sobs, mind you, that she wanted to go home (this happens a lot... especially with port-a-potties and dirty restrooms. I want to go home too, so I can't get too upset). I have since then learned that I have to cover up the blinking eye with my hand in order to give my child peace. We went to the movies today and, as soon as I told her it flushes on its own, she told me she wanted to go home. I was able to convince her that I would keep it from flushing (that is after it flushed twice while putting on the toilet seat covers). I placed my hand across the all-seeing-eye and then realized that she needed toilet paper and that it was across the stall (we use the disabled stalls most of the time. I have a hard time getting more than one person in those little ones). Of course, now I had to keep my hand on the wall and get the toilet paper which, with my luck, was a new roll and the paper was glued down. I know that if I let go she will jump, which I don't want, so I ended up basically doing the splits in the stall. I don't know how I did it, but somehow it all worked out and the child remained on the toilet the whole time. Like I said, I would like to beat the inventor with a stick!

And, apparently I am not the only one with this problem. Someone is actually selling a little device you put over the light so that it won't flush while your child is going to the bathroom. This is a picture from their website. It looks like this except the look on the child's face isn't fearful enough and she isn't leaping. Plus, I don't wear skirts during the week. It's a good image, however.